No matter how alone you may feel or hopeless a situation may seem, God has promised you that “I will never leave you or forsake you…The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Hebrews 13:5-6. God is faithful and he will be present, at our side, helping us and our children, no matter what man may do to us.
We are fortunate to live in the Town of Los Gatos, a community where public safety is a priority and our youth are taught Cornerstone values from a young age. I have always trusted God to protect my children. I have also taken measures to ensure their safety. However, as my children grow older, I cannot always be physically present, and despite my efforts to stay on top of things, I do not always know exactly where they are, who they are with, what they are doing or how they are feeling.
Prior to April, I never even considered that one of my daughters might be a potential threat of harm to herself, and I never trained my daughters about abuse or what to do if abuse occurred.
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When our high school district issued a statement in April about a teenage girl who tragically took her own life following an alleged assault and cyber bullying by teens, I decided to have a long overdue talk with my daughters. I decided to tell them about the range of abuse that can be inflicted on girls and women and to seek help if they are abused or feel alone or hopeless.
I want to share on my blog my email to my three daughters in April after I spoke to them about abuse and the promise they made to each other and me.
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The bible teaches parents to train our children. "My son hear the instruction of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother." Proverbs 1:8
A Mother’s Advice to Her Daughters
From: Sharonrose Cannistraci
Date: April 18, 2013, 12:56:28 PM PDT
To: Kirsten Cook; Kaitlyn Cook; Rachelle Townsend
Subject: What to do if abuse occurs
To my sweet dear daughters:
Attached is the school district's press release about the tragic alleged sexual assault-suicide involving the Saratoga High girl. Today you agreed that if you ever find yourself in a bad or hopeless situation you will share what is happening with an adult who you trust (big sister, mom, dad, a teacher, etc.).
A caring adult can help anyone get through even the worst experience imaginable. What may seem impossible to face as a teenager, college student, young adult or even grown married woman, can seem hopeless in the moment and lead to depression (or even in rare cases to suicide) if a young woman tries to deal with it by herself.
I promise you that if you get help from someone who cares about you, you will immediately no longer feel alone and isolated and you will realize that what has happened does not mean your life is over. By taking this first small step you will begin to feel love but more importantly you will begin to feel hope for the future. You will begin to rebuild your self-esteem and take the steps necessary to heal your spirit and self-esteem. Eventually you will recover but more importantly you will survive to have a future.
The lesson to learn from what happened with [name omitted] is that women are ordinarily abused by a man, and statistically usually by a man that she knows (husband, boyfriend, male relative, male friend).
Abuse may come in many forms, some of which are obvious and recognizable (such as physical abuse, rape, bullying, name calling, cyber harassment, sexual harassment) and some of which abuse is more covert and insidious and sneaks in and breaks a woman's spirit, confidence and self-esteem (such as verbal abuse, disparagement, criticism, judging, dictating, ordering, countering everything you say, telling you how to feel or not feel or what to think or not think, or making you feel unworthy or hopeless or in the wrong, etc.)
By sharing what is happening with someone you trust, you will no longer be isolated and alone. You will be empowered to take steps to stop the abuse (in whatever form it takes) and move forward with your life. What happens to us in the past does not have to define us or our future.
I want all three of you to recognize both overt and covert abuse and immediately stop it (if you can) and if not reach out to someone you trust for help. Just because you are in a relationship with someone who abuses you, does not mean you have to accept it. DO NOT ACCEPT IT.
I love you all more than anyone or anything in the world. I want your life to be free of abuse, but if it occurs, you have each other and you have your parents to help you deal with it.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Please reply to all with a promise that you will not bear abuse alone and you will be there for each other.
Obedience to a Mother’s Request
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother”which is the first commandment with a promise— so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:1-3. By obeying our parents, we will be blessed. I kind of like how that works, kind of a win-win for both parents and kids!
That same day of my discussion with and email to my girls, each of my daughters acknowledged my advice, and each of them, made a promise to their sisters and to me as set forth below.
-----Original Message-----
From: Kirsten Cook
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 1:13 PM
To: Sharonrose Cannistraci; 'Kaitlyn Cook'; 'Rachelle Townsend'
Subject: Re: What to do if abuse occurs
I promise that I will not bare abuse alone and I will be there for you all.
-----Original Message-----
From: Kaitlyn Cook
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 9:03 PM
To: Sharonrose Cannistraci; 'Kirsten Cook'; 'Rachelle Townsend'
Subject: Re: What to do if abuse occurs
love you guys. don’t worry none of this will happen but in the event that it does we'll be here for each other
-----Original Message-----
From: Rachelle Townsend
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 9:07 PM
To: Sharonrose Cannistraci
Cc: Kirsten Cook; Kaitlyn Cook
Subject: Re: What to do if abuse occurs
I will not tolerate abuse mom and of course I'm here for you all if you need a listening ear!
Rachelle
Sent from my iPhone
I am very proud of my girls. They obeyed God's commandment to obey their parents. They made a commitment to each other that is more valuable than any other gift they can give each other.
Teens are sometimes very dismissive of their parents' advice, and my kids are no exception, but in this instance, they knew that I was teaching them a very important lesson and they rose to the occasion.
[Parents], do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4.
I obeyed God by teaching my girls to recognize abuse and stop abuse if they can. Somehow I managed to get the message across to my daughters without exasperating them; this is not an easy thing to do with teens as we all know. My teens are constantly being embarassed by me! lol.
However, it is our job as a mothers to equip them to protect themselves and to advise them as they grow older. The lesson will be better received if we do not exasperate our kids in this ongoing process of raising them to be healthy independent adults.
And as we all know, a mother's job is never done. So, keep the faith!
Abuse Has No Place in a Home
We women are to set an example for our children. One way we can set an example is by us not being a victim of abuse ourselves. Another way is do not allow anyone (including ourselves or our spouses) to abuse our children. In future articles we will talk about physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, how to recognize it, how to stop it, and how to heal from our wounds.
Prayer
Dear Lord,
You have promised that You will never leave us or forsake us. I pray for Your divine protection over the women and children of our town. I pray no woman or child will ever feel so alone or hopeless that they cannot turn to You for comfort. I pray for the families who were involved in the incident that is the subject of the school district's press release and request You bring healing to their families and this town. I pray that women will train up their sons and daughters, teach them how to behave and how to protect themselves, and that we women will be an example for our children. I pray women will be there for each other in our time of need… that we will support and pray for each other and build each other up and not judge each other. When we or our children feel alone or hopeless give us and them the strength to reach out to someone we can trust. I pray that when we see someone in need we will reach out and help and encourage them. I commend the women and children of our town into Your Almighty hands.
Blessings!
SharonRose
Other Articles on My Blog
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